Today's song

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it

Prone to leave the God I love 

Here's my heart, take and seal it

Seal it for thy courts above 

A birthday wish....

By definition a wish is "to feel or express a strong desire or hope for something that is not easily attainable"....

What's bugging me today?

“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” – Jim Rohn

I feel it. Something is bugging me. It's time to figure it out, stop thinking about it and do something. I have never thought of myself as a tree, but it's good to be reminded.

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”

― Eliza Tabor Stephenson

no more secrets

"Share one thing about yourself that others may not know." " Share something we don't know" ..."share three things that you want us to know".... these are among the reasons that I don't enjoy group introductions.

One of the 13 changes of 2013, I am going to embrace those ridiculous notions that group leaders have and I am going to be ready! 

I am  a health nut. I obsess about diet and fitness. I keep up with the latest thing in apps  available for tips, inspiration and tracking of diet and activity.  I am the author of a blog designed to promote wellness. 

In 2013, I have resolved not to keep such great secrets.

Today, so not to  be one of those people who go gung ho right out of the gate and then don't have what it takes to finish strong, I have set up small achievable goals. I am thinking up a fantastic incentive program. yesterday I purchased a good pair of shoes. today, I took my vitamins. tomorrow  I 'll go for a walk.... That walk, will begin a lifelong journey of telling the truth about who I am and who I am becoming.

No more secrets, no more surprises. Next time I am asked to tell something about myself that others  may not know, I am not going to have to admit that I am healthy and not too lazy to care for the one body I am given to live this life in.

I may even update and publish that wellness blog, who knows? Did I just commit to health, wellness... weight loss? it's what I meant to do.

One thing that I would like others to know about me... 

It's in the day to day.

Reflecting on the Christmas story this Advent season, I am impressed by how Jesus enters into the day to day.... For Simeon, for the Shepherds, the wiseman, it was just another day, or so they thought. It was in the ordinary that our Creator was at work. Changing everything. Bringing hope, peace, joy, love to the world. May I, may you, be as inclined to embrace the Miraculous when it shows up the day to day.

the music of messes

6th grade

This week Sam is on vacation with a friend. I am helping Spencer make sense of their shared room. Spencer has moved into the walk in closet in effort to create his own space.

As these projects go, the more you clean, the bigger the mess. The only thing that keeps me from chucking the entire mess into the garbage is the treasure found in the sorting.

7th grade

As I clean out Sam's backpack, I learn that buying school supplies is not going to be the daunting task it usually is. His school supplies are still in his backpack much the way I put them at the beginning of the year. I only had to clear out a couple items - a shirt and a french horn book (neither of them his), a couple bags of valentine candy that he never opened and a couple worksheets that he most likely repeated when he thought he misplaced them. So, no trip to Walmart - didn't even have to leave the house and I have school supplies for one.

Each year, teachers give awards at the end of the year. I found these "awards" that Sam received from his teachers. These explain a lot about Sam. They make me smile about all the times I have asked him to not whistle when I am speaking to him, to not tap on the table during dinner... They also tell me why he is often unaware of when his projects are due. While it has not always been the case, I am also glad that along the way there are teachers who can appreciate the music of Sam.

Now, back to work...

Learn to dance in the rain

"Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." ~ Vivian Greene

I quote I saw yesterday. It's a good mind set. Given the past 5 months of trial and uncertainty, it is clear that rain doesn't go away on our wishing. It is not something we control. There is so much going on in the midst of a rainy day that can be missed focusing on what can be done once it stops.

It's raining today. We have outdoor family pictures scheduled for today. So, we will take our umbrellas.

when the job description fits

Recently I heard an available positions described like this, "If you are someone who always looks at the way things are done and think you can do better....this is the perfect job for you". I laughed and looked around the room for those people who may own that trait. Back seat drivers. Arm chair quarterbacks. Bleacher umpires.

A couple weeks later the job is mine. Enough said about that?
I have made it no secret that my dream job is that of consultant. Consultant General. I would consult on anything because I am certain that I am qualified. Just don't ask me to find one thing to do and do it well.

I am thinking about forming a club - or would it be a support group? 

Learning styles

People learn in different ways. I am familiar with three of the common learning styles: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. I also have been told that a good teacher should, for the sake of the various students, make an effort to include several if those styles in one lesson.
Today, I would like my lesson in a little more focused fashion. I have had quite enough of the learning by doing. 

This is what the Lord says--
   your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
"I am the Lord your God,
   who teaches you what is good for you
   and leads you along the paths you should follow.
- Isaiah 48:17

Today, I would like just to be told what to do. Sounds refreshing. 

what to do in a spin out of control...Learning to Appreciate the Journey - Beliefnet.com

I feel very out of control today and I was in need of inspiration. For some reason I counted, it has been 48 days of what I was optimistically calling a "sabbatical". I did recently learn that this won't be the unpaid sabbatical, that's a relief - a victory. It has been a long time for me not to have anything except for survival to work toward. You would think I would be more prepared for an upcoming reentry. It won't really matter if I am ready or not. I am anxious to know what it is I will be doing. So, I will read something, watch something, cut and color my hair, clean my house, and maybe new glasses - some things that I can control.

Learning to Appreciate the Journey - Beliefnet.com

wanted: a ukulele

In times of trial, one always must - if for nothing but for coping - look for the lesson, or purpose, right? I am now in week 3 of seeking wisdom, resources, patience... in a circumstance that I would not be in if it not for another person's free will to exercise evil intentions. I have options to explore, challenges to face and much time to contemplate.

Today is Sunday. I was treated to a word from my God through scripture and a very meaningful time of worship with music. I left with the need to learn a new song, or to relearn how to sing an old song.

Psalm 27

 ¹ The Lord is my light and my salvation—
      so why should I be afraid?
   The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
      so why should I tremble?
 ² When evil people come to devour me,
      when my enemies and foes attack me,
      they will stumble and fall.
 ³ Though a mighty army surrounds me,
      my heart will not be afraid.
   Even if I am attacked,
      I will remain confident.

 ⁴ The one thing I ask of the Lord—
      the thing I seek most—
   is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
      delighting in the Lord’s perfections
      and meditating in his Temple.
 ⁵ For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
      he will hide me in his sanctuary.
      He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

I have, since our difficulties began, been only a little bit joking about my fear of our eventual dwelling place being that of a tent - and the unfortunate reality that a couple years ago our neighbor boy broke one of our tent poles - and a faulty tent at that. In the NIV version, verse 5 reads, "he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent". I like that.

 ⁶ Then I will hold my head high
      above my enemies who surround me.
   At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
      singing and praising the Lord with music.

I was just at World Music yesterday saying that maybe I would learn to play the ukulele... now may be a good time for that. 

 ⁷ Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
      Be merciful and answer me!
 ⁸ My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
      And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
 ⁹ Do not turn your back on me.
      Do not reject your servant in anger.
      You have always been my helper.
   Don’t leave me now; don’t abandon me,
      O God of my salvation!
 ¹⁰ Even if my father and mother abandon me,
      the Lord will hold me close.
 ¹¹ Teach me how to live, O Lord.
      Lead me along the right path,
      for my enemies are waiting for me.
 ¹² Do not let me fall into their hands.
      For they accuse me of things I’ve never done.

with every breath they threaten me with (lateral) violence. 

 ¹³ Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness
      while I am here in the land of the living.
 ¹⁴ Wait patiently for the Lord.
      Be brave and courageous.
      Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Sing, sing a new song! ....I need a ukulele.

having fun isn't hard...

You know that feeling that you get when you come out of a fantastic film experience - you were so engaged, you dismissed the reality of the world outside the theater? When you lose all track of time? When you have to reorient in a short period of reentry as you move through the doors of the theater... Imagine that for a couple of weeks... pretending I am on sabbatical.

It is a good thing for library cards. Besides the coping with a reality that still feels very surreal, I have lately (the past two weeks) had much need for distraction and much time for applying myself to reading for that purpose. With last two books written from a perspective that is unfamiliar to me, one of a child with CP (btw: a must read for any middle school student, I think) and another from the perspective of a dog, I began to sense a need for a little reorientation.

So, I select another book from my list of reading that goes back a couple of years...and it is a story of a journey of isolation and desperate wandering.

I think I'll take a break, submit a couple more applications, send a couple emails, go for a swim and then watch season 7 of ER which I also picked up at the library. Later, more of a PBS documentary on the history of baseball.

Having fun isn't hard...when you have a library card!

nice girls don't change the world

One of my favorite times with a book was that time I spent with a little book called "Nice Girlds Don't Change the World" by Lynne Hybels. The book is Lynne's story, along with a challenge to the rest of us - to live dangerously. Recently, I picked this book up again and gave it another read.

I resonated with the book the first time I read it, enough to start this site. It was a theme for myself and group of ladies who are investing their lives in church planting. So, fear and fatigue were common sitings. I am once again head on in the face of fear. A great thing about the Kingdom of God, even though I have never met Lynne, even though the book is a couple years old - the messages of courage and faith remain. I can trust in the love and wisdom of God. So, I'm off to Starbucks now...with Lynne and my bible. Ready to face another day....

"a good woman is that she sings her song even if she's terrified. Whatever she's called to do, she does it, even if she's so scared her voice breaks, her hand shakes, and her stomach aches. She doesn't let fear stop her."

Google Calendar

juli.reynolds@gmail.com, you have no events scheduled today Wed Jul 20, 2011

- Kinda tired of seeing this in my inbox every day. Every day since July 14, this is what I see. I think I will start making things up. 

juli.reynolds@gmail.com, today is the first day of a brand new adventure. You have people to see, places to go and things to do. It is time to get busy doing all of the things that you cannot do if you are working full time.

Yep, every day I am going to add something - even if I have to make it up. This may be fun. Here goes...

i think i like this guy...

...or maybe just something that will pass, again.

"Silence equals consent." 

Nursing is rich with history of violence within its own ranks by nursing administrators who are rewarded for maintaining a very dangerous and highly unethical status quo that ultimately leads to patient harm and death--is the willful endangerment of human life not sociopathic in nature?

Failure to acknowledge and confront this history factors significantly in the inability of nurses to overcome oppressed group thinking and behavior. As horrible as it is for us to acknowledge that those among our ranks have used violence to uphold dangerous systems of care, we harm our patients, our families, our communities, and ourselves by desperately clinging to the ignorance. We violate everything that we purportedly value as a profession. We violate the highest level of trust bestowed upon nurses by the public we serve.

Time to do something different.

The traditional approaches of fighting the healthcare industry and marginalized nurse leaders who support it have failed to produce the major shift in consciousness of staff nurses AND elected officials that is necessary to take control of our own profession. It will never be in a profit-focused industry's best interest to facilitate anything likely to unite any significant percentage of nurses within an organization with common goals. As an oppressed group, only staff nurses can fix our own damaged, disempowered, and divided profession.

Nurses are in process of making the shift from the ineffective, passive-aggressive backbiting and complaining about our plight to the empowered and effective professionals we must be. Because we have human lives in our hands, because anything less than empowered, valued, respected, and protected practice is dangerous for patients, because we love what we do but we cannot tolerate the way we have must do it, we are taking control of our profession.

It can be expected that the industry will desperately engage in violence to quell the revolt. It is easier for them to knock us off, one rogue at a time.

Enter the world wide web.

Enter Generation X.

Enter Massachusetts Nurses Association

Enter California Nurses Association

The public likes and trusts nurses.

The public votes for elected officials.

The public will support a staff nurse identified and supported healthcare agenda.

To my colleagues in direct patient care and the public who trusts us and supports our efforts.

Thank you.

In Solidarity,

Steven S. Lee, RN 

loosening our grip

I heard myself tell Spencer that we ought not hold too tightly to things.  As the words hit the sound waves, they seemed to have life that was beyond just something I say to divert whatever the situation was that was creating disappointment over some real or perceived loss that my 10 year old was experiencing. This moment brought with it a sense of confidence and a surreal sort of "uh-oh" with it. 

Holding loosely...to the things we just take for granted, to whatever the particular life circumstances that we currently enjoy. These things change in a moment and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. It is in these moments that we find out what it is we value, who we are.

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

"When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don't say to yourself "All is lost. I have to start all over again." This is not true. What you have gained you have gained....When you return to the the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started." — Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Inner Voice of Love)

"Dear God, 

I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!  

Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to? 

Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands? 

Please help me to gradually open my hands 

and to discover that I am not what I own, 

but what you want to give me. 

And what you want to give me is love, 

unconditional, everlasting love. 

Amen." 

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

foolish or courageous?

Recently I did something that I felt like I just had to do to put to rest some contemplation. I have not shared with anyone the choice I made. I must admit that keeping it to myself has been a very funny thing to me. I have even laughed out loud over it a couple times.  Regardless of what happens with that, it led me to consider (more contemplation to replace that which I put to rest), "What is the difference between foolish and courageous?"

One of the comments I received from my FB poll separated the two by risk vs foreseeable consequences. Courageous acts lead people toward behavior that is not deterred by pain or danger. If the danger is in physical, emotional or social risk - no matter. I am an advocate for bravery.  I have sat across the table from many who are able to articulate their passion beautifully and project their dreams with detail. The question that lingers is always the same, "then, why not?" The answer is also almost always the same... fear. (well, and I suppose to be fair, funds is a very close second!)

Fear.

What if I fail? What if "they" think I am foolish? What if it isn't really a good idea? What if I succeed and don't know where to go from there?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.-Eleanor Roosevelt 

Fear is good. Fear brings up all the risk involved. Fear is good for stopping us from doing something that will harm us or others - causing us to count the cost is not a bad thing. Fear can bring us to the place where we modify our plans to avoid unnecessary risk. Is fear ever a good reason not to try? Depends on how it all unpacks when we do face it, I suppose.  However, anything worth doing usually involves risk of and eventually some pain.

…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.-Eleanor Roosevelt

In my fB conversation, foolishness vs courageous revealed that a world view, our value system plays an important role in what is labeled foolishness and what is labeled courageous. One of my wise friends stated simply that is usually after the fact that the call is made. I think I agree with that. This is what makes life the adventure that it is.

Gene and I have made choices over the past few years that were base on passion and world view / value system. I suppose now, in light of a couple "failures", what we have done could seem foolish. We chose to risk financial stability and pursue a dream. Six years later, we are still in pursuit of something that seems less clear all of the time. The danger that was feared is right here with us. Would we do anything different, probably not. Recently the "security" we gave up, became not so secure and it is very possible we would be in the same place now anyway, but having the wondering of what could have been had we tried. I also think that when we act in the face of all the uncertainties, it encourages others to do the same.

I won't lie, I hope that my choices, the risks I take either go unnoticed or work out to be very good things. If not, at least I won't wonder "what if...".  I hope that we will catch a break one of these days. I pray frequently desperate prayers of hoping in that direction. When that happens, all of our foolishness will be labeled courage and inspiration. In the mean time...courageous just appears foolish to others - and visa versa. We listen to our fear, assess the situation - balance these matters with our own capabilities and act accordingly.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.-Ambrose Redmoon

happy mother's day!

trying the patio garden again...sticking with tomatoes and basil. i almost added a cucumber plant, resisted the temptation. i have yet to get the patio garden right... (the small basil plant in the big pot will be replaced by a tomato plant soon - making a swap with a friend)...so excited!

Spencer's  flower garden :-) again, keeping it simple

"You have heard, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.'...

Today I woke to images that were comparible to those you see after a super bowl or world series - or when the USA wins a major Olympic event. As I watched the celebration, that "something is not right" feeling set in. The celebration we were watching was that of the US winning a "dual to the death". We had broken in on one of our enemies and taken his life. We killed an enemy.  He killed, so we killed him.

I looked to see what my facebook friends are saying. Some are celebrating and some are asking good questions. Some, are not celebrating.  I don't feel much like celebrating.

...I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, in that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.

1 Samuel 24:17 "You are more righteous than I," he said. "You have treated me well, but I have treated you badly.
Proverbs 19:11 A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Proverbs 25:21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
Luke 6:27-28 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 23:34 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
Acts 7:60 Then he fell on his knees and cried out, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." When he had said this, he fell asleep.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Romans 12:20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
1 Thessalonians 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Not easy, it takes courage to forgive. I don't think anyone is better off today than they were yesterday because a man is dead.

play ball!

The Brewers down 7-1 in the 3rd inning, the Cardinals not cutting them any slack. Sam steps to the plate with bases loaded. Coach White and Sam exchange a look, a smile. Everyone waiting for a big play to turn this game around. With a big smile on his face, as if he knows what is about to happen. As if he has planned it just this way. First pitch, CRACK! He drives in over the right field fence, Grand Slam! Brewers 5, Cardinals 7.

The Brewers rally to win it 10-7. Two strong teams, a great game.