here I am, now what?

The Lord is merciful and compassionate,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.

This week as I read through some of the En Gedi lectionary passages, the theme of complaining to God emerged. I have complained to God about many things - much like the Israelites, I'm wondering why can't I just stay where I am, make friends, enjoy family. Why couldn't I at least move to somewhere near a large body of water? Now, I am not moving on from slavery as they were, but I do sometimes wonder why not just stay where I at least know my way around, it's familiar...?

I am glad that God is merciful and compassionate. I know, I am relying on His guidance. I am trusting that He is concerned with my journey and how I feel about it. That may not change the steps I am to take but I can look for Him to, as He did with the Israelites, provide what I need for the life He is leading me in. When I don't recognize His provision, when I don't know what to do next and when I'm crying for my own way, I'm glad He is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love.

I wish I had written this song.

Since I did not write this song, I'm glad that Francesca Battistelli did. (Click on her name, if you would like to visit the site and listen to it. The lyrics resonated with me today.)


My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge

Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back

(Chorus)
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I’m losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

(Chorus)

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid

(Chorus)

Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me


(Francesca Battistelli / Ian Eskelin / Tony Wood) © 2008 Word Music, LLC (ASCAP) / Bridge Designer Music, Inc., Honest and Popular Songs (SESAC) (Adm. by Multisongs, Inc) / New Spring Publishing Inc., Row 9 Seat J Songs (ASCAP)

In the past 40 days...

...we moved to Nashville Tn.
...we celebrated 18 years of marriage.
...Spencer turned 8.
...I turned 40.
...we went to the Smokey Mountains, and Dollywood.
...we got a new car, along with a car payment for the first time in over 8 years.
...I've begun the learning process of another public school routine.
...I began a new job at Vanderbilt's Childrens Hospital. I like the job so far, even though I have not been out of classroom orientation yet.
...we all got library cards (having fun isnt' hard,when you have a library card!).
...I've kept an orchid alive for over two weeks now! (blooms still in tact)
...I've been sun burnt 3 different times (not smart).
...I got a TN drivers' license and have been fingerprinted and back ground checked 3 different times.
...I started a new journal.
...I've fallen behind in my studies and blogging, I have done little to no reading. AND the new season of Heroes begins this week and I am not caught up on the last season!