having fun isn't hard...

You know that feeling that you get when you come out of a fantastic film experience - you were so engaged, you dismissed the reality of the world outside the theater? When you lose all track of time? When you have to reorient in a short period of reentry as you move through the doors of the theater... Imagine that for a couple of weeks... pretending I am on sabbatical.

It is a good thing for library cards. Besides the coping with a reality that still feels very surreal, I have lately (the past two weeks) had much need for distraction and much time for applying myself to reading for that purpose. With last two books written from a perspective that is unfamiliar to me, one of a child with CP (btw: a must read for any middle school student, I think) and another from the perspective of a dog, I began to sense a need for a little reorientation.

So, I select another book from my list of reading that goes back a couple of years...and it is a story of a journey of isolation and desperate wandering.

I think I'll take a break, submit a couple more applications, send a couple emails, go for a swim and then watch season 7 of ER which I also picked up at the library. Later, more of a PBS documentary on the history of baseball.

Having fun isn't hard...when you have a library card!

nice girls don't change the world

One of my favorite times with a book was that time I spent with a little book called "Nice Girlds Don't Change the World" by Lynne Hybels. The book is Lynne's story, along with a challenge to the rest of us - to live dangerously. Recently, I picked this book up again and gave it another read.

I resonated with the book the first time I read it, enough to start this site. It was a theme for myself and group of ladies who are investing their lives in church planting. So, fear and fatigue were common sitings. I am once again head on in the face of fear. A great thing about the Kingdom of God, even though I have never met Lynne, even though the book is a couple years old - the messages of courage and faith remain. I can trust in the love and wisdom of God. So, I'm off to Starbucks now...with Lynne and my bible. Ready to face another day....

"a good woman is that she sings her song even if she's terrified. Whatever she's called to do, she does it, even if she's so scared her voice breaks, her hand shakes, and her stomach aches. She doesn't let fear stop her."

Google Calendar

juli.reynolds@gmail.com, you have no events scheduled today Wed Jul 20, 2011

- Kinda tired of seeing this in my inbox every day. Every day since July 14, this is what I see. I think I will start making things up. 

juli.reynolds@gmail.com, today is the first day of a brand new adventure. You have people to see, places to go and things to do. It is time to get busy doing all of the things that you cannot do if you are working full time.

Yep, every day I am going to add something - even if I have to make it up. This may be fun. Here goes...

i think i like this guy...

...or maybe just something that will pass, again.

"Silence equals consent." 

Nursing is rich with history of violence within its own ranks by nursing administrators who are rewarded for maintaining a very dangerous and highly unethical status quo that ultimately leads to patient harm and death--is the willful endangerment of human life not sociopathic in nature?

Failure to acknowledge and confront this history factors significantly in the inability of nurses to overcome oppressed group thinking and behavior. As horrible as it is for us to acknowledge that those among our ranks have used violence to uphold dangerous systems of care, we harm our patients, our families, our communities, and ourselves by desperately clinging to the ignorance. We violate everything that we purportedly value as a profession. We violate the highest level of trust bestowed upon nurses by the public we serve.

Time to do something different.

The traditional approaches of fighting the healthcare industry and marginalized nurse leaders who support it have failed to produce the major shift in consciousness of staff nurses AND elected officials that is necessary to take control of our own profession. It will never be in a profit-focused industry's best interest to facilitate anything likely to unite any significant percentage of nurses within an organization with common goals. As an oppressed group, only staff nurses can fix our own damaged, disempowered, and divided profession.

Nurses are in process of making the shift from the ineffective, passive-aggressive backbiting and complaining about our plight to the empowered and effective professionals we must be. Because we have human lives in our hands, because anything less than empowered, valued, respected, and protected practice is dangerous for patients, because we love what we do but we cannot tolerate the way we have must do it, we are taking control of our profession.

It can be expected that the industry will desperately engage in violence to quell the revolt. It is easier for them to knock us off, one rogue at a time.

Enter the world wide web.

Enter Generation X.

Enter Massachusetts Nurses Association

Enter California Nurses Association

The public likes and trusts nurses.

The public votes for elected officials.

The public will support a staff nurse identified and supported healthcare agenda.

To my colleagues in direct patient care and the public who trusts us and supports our efforts.

Thank you.

In Solidarity,

Steven S. Lee, RN 

loosening our grip

I heard myself tell Spencer that we ought not hold too tightly to things.  As the words hit the sound waves, they seemed to have life that was beyond just something I say to divert whatever the situation was that was creating disappointment over some real or perceived loss that my 10 year old was experiencing. This moment brought with it a sense of confidence and a surreal sort of "uh-oh" with it. 

Holding loosely...to the things we just take for granted, to whatever the particular life circumstances that we currently enjoy. These things change in a moment and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. It is in these moments that we find out what it is we value, who we are.

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

"When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don't say to yourself "All is lost. I have to start all over again." This is not true. What you have gained you have gained....When you return to the the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started." — Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Inner Voice of Love)

"Dear God, 

I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!  

Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to? 

Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands? 

Please help me to gradually open my hands 

and to discover that I am not what I own, 

but what you want to give me. 

And what you want to give me is love, 

unconditional, everlasting love. 

Amen." 

— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

foolish or courageous?

Recently I did something that I felt like I just had to do to put to rest some contemplation. I have not shared with anyone the choice I made. I must admit that keeping it to myself has been a very funny thing to me. I have even laughed out loud over it a couple times.  Regardless of what happens with that, it led me to consider (more contemplation to replace that which I put to rest), "What is the difference between foolish and courageous?"

One of the comments I received from my FB poll separated the two by risk vs foreseeable consequences. Courageous acts lead people toward behavior that is not deterred by pain or danger. If the danger is in physical, emotional or social risk - no matter. I am an advocate for bravery.  I have sat across the table from many who are able to articulate their passion beautifully and project their dreams with detail. The question that lingers is always the same, "then, why not?" The answer is also almost always the same... fear. (well, and I suppose to be fair, funds is a very close second!)

Fear.

What if I fail? What if "they" think I am foolish? What if it isn't really a good idea? What if I succeed and don't know where to go from there?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.-Eleanor Roosevelt 

Fear is good. Fear brings up all the risk involved. Fear is good for stopping us from doing something that will harm us or others - causing us to count the cost is not a bad thing. Fear can bring us to the place where we modify our plans to avoid unnecessary risk. Is fear ever a good reason not to try? Depends on how it all unpacks when we do face it, I suppose.  However, anything worth doing usually involves risk of and eventually some pain.

…You must do the thing you think you cannot do.-Eleanor Roosevelt

In my fB conversation, foolishness vs courageous revealed that a world view, our value system plays an important role in what is labeled foolishness and what is labeled courageous. One of my wise friends stated simply that is usually after the fact that the call is made. I think I agree with that. This is what makes life the adventure that it is.

Gene and I have made choices over the past few years that were base on passion and world view / value system. I suppose now, in light of a couple "failures", what we have done could seem foolish. We chose to risk financial stability and pursue a dream. Six years later, we are still in pursuit of something that seems less clear all of the time. The danger that was feared is right here with us. Would we do anything different, probably not. Recently the "security" we gave up, became not so secure and it is very possible we would be in the same place now anyway, but having the wondering of what could have been had we tried. I also think that when we act in the face of all the uncertainties, it encourages others to do the same.

I won't lie, I hope that my choices, the risks I take either go unnoticed or work out to be very good things. If not, at least I won't wonder "what if...".  I hope that we will catch a break one of these days. I pray frequently desperate prayers of hoping in that direction. When that happens, all of our foolishness will be labeled courage and inspiration. In the mean time...courageous just appears foolish to others - and visa versa. We listen to our fear, assess the situation - balance these matters with our own capabilities and act accordingly.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.-Ambrose Redmoon